untrappable

Romance scams: how they work and how to get out

Editorially reviewed · Last updated July 16, 2026

Yes — this is a scam. If someone you've only met online professes love fast and then needs money, it's a romance scam — every time.

Text Message · Today 11:52 PM
from Michael (from the dating app)
My love, the offshore contract finally cleared but customs is holding my check and I can't access my account from the rig. I would never ask, but I'm desperate — can you send $800 by gift card tonight? I'll pay you back triple when I'm home to you. Please don't tell anyone, they'll judge us.
The Text message, as received

Other versions you might get: A “sick relative,” a “stuck overseas” or military-deployment emergency, “one great crypto investment we can do together” (pig-butchering), or “just pay the customs fee to receive the gift I sent you.” Different story, same pivot to untraceable money.

What to do right now

  1. Stop sending money and stop contact. You don't owe an explanation. Blocking is not rude — it's the safe move.
  2. If you already sent money, act fast: contact your gift-card company, wire service, bank, or crypto exchange and ask them to try to stop or claw it back. The sooner you call, the better the odds.
  3. Reverse-image-search their photos and insist on a live video call — see how to check if a photo is fake. A real person can do both.
  4. Report it to the FTC at reportfraud.ftc.gov and the FBI at ic3.gov — even a shame-free, anonymous report helps others.
  5. Ignore any “recovery” offer that follows, promising to get your money back for a fee. That's the same scam, round two.

How to make sure it never bites you

This is not naivety — these are professional, patient operations that target good, trusting people, and the shame they count on is exactly what keeps victims silent. Telling one trusted person and reporting it breaks their hold. If you shared personal or financial details, lock those down next.

Untrappable · Public service advisory

Stop the next one at the source

You got this because your details are on lists that get bought, sold, and leaked. You can't unspill that, but you can make it useless to a scammer. Start with the free steps — they do most of the work.

Optional — if you'd rather it was handled for you

If you'd rather have it watched for you, an identity-protection service monitors your accounts, SSN, and the dark web, warns you the moment something new appears, and helps you recover if someone gets through.

See identity protection →

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Frequently asked

What is a romance scam and how does it work?
A romance scam is when someone builds a fake online relationship to get your money. They meet you on a dating app or social media, profess love quickly, move you off-platform, then invent a crisis — a medical bill, a stuck payment, customs fees — or pitch a “great investment,” and ask for money by gift card, wire, or crypto. The FTC reports romance scams among the highest-loss fraud categories, precisely because the emotional bond makes the ask feel reasonable.
Are “military,” oil-rig, or overseas romance partners real people?
The story is fake even when the photos show a real person. Scammers use stolen identities and images, and the deployment, oil-rig, or “working abroad” story exists for one reason: to explain why they can never video-call or meet you. A real service member or worker can verify who they are; a scammer will always have an excuse.
I already sent money or gift cards — can I get it back, and what do I do?
Move fast, and don't be embarrassed — this happens to careful people. Contact the gift-card company, wire service, bank, or crypto exchange right away and ask them to stop or reverse it; recovery is hard but sometimes possible if you're quick. Then cut all contact and report it at reportfraud.ftc.gov and ic3.gov. Ignore anyone who later offers to recover your money for a fee — that's a second scam.
How do I tell if someone I met online is a scammer?
Reverse-image-search their photos — if the same face shows up under other names or on stock and modeling sites, it's stolen (see how to check a photo). Insist on a live, unscripted video call early. And treat any request for money — however sympathetic the story — as the red line: never send money to someone you haven't met in person.

Related scams

Sources

A public service

Help protect someone else

Scams spread because people stay quiet about them. If this could have fooled you, it can fool someone you know — a parent, a friend, the family group chat. Passing it on is the easiest good thing you'll do today. It's safe to forward, and stands on its own as a record for a bank or the police.